Forgiveness is a concept we are taught since the moment we can comprehend the idea of cause and effect. Think about it, when we were toddling around at the age of two and hit someone, what did mommy make us do? Say I'm sorry. Unfortunately, the concepts of apologizing and forgiving is something that is used so much that most people become indifferent to them. How many times have you caught yourself saying "I'm sorry!" without even thinking? How many times have you just brushed something off as nothing, something that should mean more? It's a blessing and a curse all at the same time.
People don't always mean what they say. Can you ever truly tell if someone is genuine in an apology? Not really. Same goes with forgiveness. People can say they forgive you, then days, weeks, months, or even years later bring it back up.
Someone wise taught me something about forgiveness, something that put it into perspective. First, there is an offense. Someone does something malicious or bad that hurts you in some way. Then, there is the reaction whether it be sad, mad, or whatever. This is okay, as long as it is kept under control. The right thing to do after that emotion, is to forgive the person. Now, I know what you're thinking, that's stupid. What if it's something huge that can never be repented for? Well, you still need to forgive that person. Without forgiveness, resentment forms. With resentment, the only person who is truly hurt is yourself.
I think it's important to know what forgiveness really is. To forgive is defined as this-to grant a pardon for an offense or debt, or to cease to feel resentment. So often, we misinterpret the term forgive. Forgiveness is not justifying, forgetting, or becoming okay with the person or the offense. It is only ceasing to feel resentment. Forgiveness should be for YOU, not the other person. The rest of the things are involved in rebuilding trust.
Moral of the story: You should never let resentment build, it will only bring you down.
I have been the victim of such resentment. Something that I had absolutely no say or part in that happened some time ago has come back to haunt me. I am paying for someone else's mistakes and lack of forgiveness. I'm sure she has suffered through the years with this. Maybe it's too much pride holding her back from forgiving, I guess I will never know. That's another thing with resentment, you may end up hurting not only yourself, but the ones who love you and don't deserve to be hurt.
Learn to let things go. If it happened a long time ago and it involves someone you love, let it be water under the bridge. Although the relationship may never be the same, it's better than completely losing someone you love. People make mistakes, some big, some small. Nobody on this Earth is perfect, and they never will be. In that aspect, we are all equal.
Resentment is like a glass of poison that a man drinks; then he sits down and waits for his enemy to die. -Nelson Mandela
Forgiveness means that you've decided not to let it keep festering inside even if it only comes up once in a while. -Howard Martin
XO,
GL
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